Les Berman Weekly #480 Learning. Jeans. Shoes. and Wine… with much much more !!

Every day that I learn something has to be a good day. Recently, a friend told me that she was going shopping with her girlfriend to buy jeans. Now you and I know that jeans are an integral part of everyone’s wardrobe. Male and female.

I bought jeans because they fit and were comfortable, and I needed them comfortable because of the weight I packed on after my knee surgery. And the good news is that those recently purchased jeans will be too big shortly. But you don’t care about my jeans – you want to know about her jeans !

I understand enough of the female psyche to know that women cannot go shopping by themselves. Sort of like women having to go to the restroom in groups. On the restroom trips, do you girls hold hands together over or under stalls? or is it constant conversation that can’t be interrupted? or for some other secret sisterhood rite that can never be disclosed to us mere males?

So what was the purpose of the shopping trip? Apparently the girlfriend’s workplace had decided to have casual Fridays. And the call went out from the girlfriend to help her find jeans that she could actually sit in for most of the day.  Guys !! Stop laughing ! Think about it for a minute. Girlfriend likely had skin tight, can hardly breathe jeans, that highlighted some of her better assets. But she couldn’t sit in them.

Now I love tight jeans on a woman who should wear them. Not so much when they shouldn’t wear them. Fortunately, we males have as many different opinions on who should wear what, as there are males. So I have to be careful. And I don’t know the outcome of the shopping trip because I was not invited to observe and comment !

And another favorite topic, about which I really don’t have an opinion, that matters, is shoes. Women’s shoes. I have friends, mother and daughter, who have lots of shoes. Now I don’t know if they could compete with Imelda for numbers, but that’s not what shoes are about. They told me, in graphic detail, that there are shoes and there are shoes. I learned that they have shoes that are three block shoes. Those are shoes that would kill them if they were to walk three blocks in them. They have shoes that are suitable for long distance walking, with “long distance” having definite boundaries. Vacation walking requires a specific type, as do charity events. And there are definite placement of the shoes in the closet. As for me, a couple of blacks, a couple of browns, a couple of walking and athletic shoes. That’s adequate. There is a difference. Good thing !

Meanwhile, I am less than amazed at yet another discovery that came from an amazing experiment withthat juice of the vine — wine ! As little as one glass of wine is enough to interrupt communication between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, the two parts of the brain that control behavior. The breakdown could explain the disinhibition, aggression and social withdrawal symptoms associated with being intoxicated. The part that does not amaze me is that I really don’t understand any of those big words in the previous two sentences. I think it means that drinking wine could affect your behavior, and help or cause you to do different things !

The reminder – if you need capital for your business, or anything else, or a mortgage for your home, call this guy.. the guy with the golden dome. Yes, the magic number remains :818.305.4695.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? (I am so guilty of this one !!)

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? (guilty again!)

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?’

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Les Berman Weekly #479 Soap. Explosion. Tombs. Tarzana… and much more

There are many things that I do, whether I like them or not. Every now and then, I make my bed, or wash my car, or even do my laundry. I haven’t found the formula yet that will have someone do all of that for me. And then there are the things that I do like to do, and I find that activity amazing. I like to take showers. No, I’m not going to get graphic but I’ve wondered about all of the soaps that are formulated for each square inch of your body. So with you understanding that my body may be bigger than yours (this week), we have to embark on a quest for knowledge.

 

I visit my brother’s house with some frequency, and I know that they are somewhat pleased that I decide to use their shower. I look at the array of soaps, cleansers, washers, conditioners, gels, body washes along with the loofas, sponges, and wash cloths, and I have instant admiration for my sister in law. How does she know that soap A when combined with D will not cause a cataclysmic explosion? I know that medicines come with lists of reactions when combined with other meds, but I didn’t see such things on soap labels.

 

Now, in fairness to my hostess, I have to disclose that I use one kind of soap. It comes in a bar shape, is not perfumed, and is actually contoured to my abundant body. And I believe it (the soap) is made in America. I’ve been told that women will use different soaps depending on the mood they are in. I think I understand that, sort of… well… maybe ! What if they just want to get clean? How will they ever know what to use?

 

But all of this leads to what I know. And what I want to know. I know my soap works because no one has ever told me that it doesn’t. Or maybe I know a lot of polite, very polite, people ! What I want to know, and I’ve likely wanted to know this since I was first given a bath by someone at the hospital when I was born. Why does soap sting when it gets in my eyes?

 

I have learned to cope with the pain because it doesn’t last long. I wouldn’t take vicodin for that. What I really want to know is why no one has come up with the painless shampoo formula. I mean you can buy chicken nuggets, devised by food scientists to make you believe that those things are healthy; or bread that is full of wood fiber and the stuff that is used to make yoga mats. C’mon scientists… it’s time !! Painless shampoo !!

 

I wonder if the inhabitants of the recently excavated Egyptian tombs had the same problems. That was only 3300 years ago. But they had things that were used for different purposes, some of which should be used to day. Or maybe they are but we don’t know about that. They found some interesting things in this tomb, including colors. Despite it having been looted a few times over the centuries, the looters left behind the evidence that a family, likely to be servants in the afterlife, was entombed along with the dignitary. I wonder if they were locked up because the servants got soap in the boss’ eyes?

 

I’m the money source. If you need funding for your business, for an acquisition, or for anything business related, you need to call the magic number. Our residential group has all of the regular types of mortgages AND, now, a stated income loan at decent prices. All of this is available at the magic number… 818.305.4695.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

If people evolved from apes, Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If people evolved from apes,why are there still apes?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

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Les Berman CMC       Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist         Voice: 818.305.4695 Email: les@lesberman.com

Les Berman Weekly #477 Disgusting Indulgence. Hey Mikey ! Big Turtles. and so much more….

After a disgustingly indulgent day, I remembered a commercial from back in the olden days. “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing !” I remembered the phrase but had no idea about the product. And I couldn’t remember when the ad campaign began. So, I did something totally out of character… I did research. Hurt my brain doing that !

 

There seems to be a question about when the ad originated. So we’ll agree that it originated in 1969 or 1970. Right around the same time as that other classic – “Mama Mia, thatsa spic..ymeatball !. And those were both Alka Seltzer ads.

Of course, there were other memorable ads from the olden days that still resonate today, and we can’t remember what the product was or when it came to our attention first. Here are a couple of other mindblowers.

 

How about “a diamond is forever“. That slogan has been around since before the days of the movie. That was actually coined in 1947. The ‘gimme a break, gimme a break’ came out in the 50’s but didn’t get traction until the ’80’s as the Kit Kat bar became wildly popular. Of course, we all had opinions of what was popular and what wasn’t.

 

I wasn’t even aware of this slogan – “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux” that came out in the 1960’s. It may never have aired in Canada because at that time, the conservatives in Canada made the bible belt of today look tame. Or, perhaps I didn’t understand the nuance. Nah.. didn’t air in Canada !! By the way, electrolux was a vacuum cleaner.

 

Of course there was the “Hey Mikey… he likes it!” . I never remembered what it was promoting, but I do know that all of us have borrowed that phrase forever. And it really has been forever. That one rolled out in 1972. And just so you don’t have to look it up, that was the promo line for Life cereal. I didn’t have that cereal then or since. So Mikey, you tried hard but you didn’t get me!

 

How many times have we said, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” Back in the late 80’s, when Life Alert came out with that slogan, it was supposed to be serious. Then as we matured (we mature, we don’t get old), it became a funny line. Now, that we have over matured, some of you are wondering what would happen if you were to fall and you couldn’t get up. The answer is simple… either stay in shape or get your hip replacement now !!

 

So many of these ad campaigns were clever, or intelligent, or humorous. And so many of them became parts of our daily speech, not as intended of course, but effective for the ad agencies that developed them. “This is your brain on drugs” and the frying egg, always made me want a fried egg. And of course, that started the comparisons to so many other things, such as the day you entered prison and the day you left. But it wasn’t fried eggs. Or “Where’s the beef”.

And one of the best, that’s used in everyday speech, is “what happens here, stays here”. Just insert the city that you want to protect you, and you know it will !

 

In the meantime, have you heard the story of the 10 foot turtle? This one is almost too hard to believe. In 1849, a fossilized bone is given to the Academy of Natural Sciences, now at Drexel University. There were no records of who donated it or where it was found. So 162 years later, a man was fossil hunting in Monmouth County, New Jersey and sees something sticking out of the river bank. He digs it out and sees that it is a fossilized bone.

 

He takes it to the New Jersey State Museum and shows it to a curator who immediately knew thatit was the humerus (that’s science speak for an upper arm bone) of a turtle. Curator humorously suggests that fossil hunter take it to Drexel University, and fossil hunter eventually does. At Drexel, they look at the ‘new’ bone and pull out their old bone. And amazingly, they fit together perfectly. So what are the odds that a 70 million year old fossil, broken in two parts that are found almost 200 years apart, would be reunited. So the scientists, from this one bone, decided that the turtle in question was about 10 feet long. That must have been one fine soup !!!

 

Remember, that when you need money for your financial home (either business or residential), call the guy with the shiny golden dome (that’s me). And the magic number is 818.305.4695.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

Questions that Haunt Me:

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? ( Why  did you just try to sing the 2 songs above?)

 

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Les Berman Weekly #478 5 year old. Importance of Children. Zebras. Flying Birds…. and much much more.

One of the more interesting articles that I’ve read this week tells about the five (5) year old boy who was playing with his dad’s XBox. The dad, not having allowed the little guy to play with the XBox, was a little surprised, and asked his son how he got into the game console. The 5 year old promptly showed his dad how he hacked into the game console system in about two minutes. Being good people, they told Microsoft, the developer of the Xbox. how a five year old could hack in. And Microsoft fixed the bug, and sent the 5 year old a bunch of games and a one year subscription to something I don’t understand.

 

The moral of the story is simple : if you are having any kind of cell phone, tablet, or computer issue, you can usually get an answer now from a 5 year old, and almost always from a 7 year old. This, friends, is why children and grandchildren are extremely important to those of us who can’t find the ‘on’ switch.

 

Meanwhile, in the science world, researchers have discovered why zebras have stripes. I know you have wondered if zebras are black with white stripes, or white with black stripes. I am sure that you asked your parents and grandparents, your teachers, and anyone else over the age of twelve for the answer to that question. People have experimented with painting horses in stripes to see if the offspring would be born with stripes, but I think that was more likely to have happened in Appalachia, or some other states south of the Mason-Dixon line. These people were definitely not schooled in the science of animal husbandry. And while we’re on that topic, why is it called animal husbandry? Did the people who came up with that term, know something that we don’t want to know.

 

Anyway, the paint experiments didn’t work. But what the researchers did find, is that the stripes confused the biting insects, like tabanid biting flies and tsetse flies, that are so common, and vicious, on the plains of Africa. The bugs are confused by the stripes, and leave the zebra alone. Some striped antelope are also relieved of the bug plague too. Of course, the zebra spokesman, in giving the results of the study to the herds of his pals, also said that if the researchers had really wanted to help, they would have come up with something that also would confuse lions.

 

And scientists have recently discovered why larger birds fly in a V formation, and why smaller birds fly in swarms. They fly in swarms to confuse predators who have to focus on a target for accuracy. If you watch dolphin or whale shows on tv, they show how small fish do the same thing. Of course, then comes a whale with an open mouth and there goes that fish swarm.

The V formation is used because it conserves energy. The wings each create some kind of upwash, or draft, and the following birds have less resistance. Also, because birds can’t spell very well, they avoided the bar in A and E formations.

 

The Census Bureau reported that in 2012, 22 million people worked for federal, state, and local governments. So now you know where your tax money is going – you’re paying the salaries of all of those people, some of whom actually work hard, others do hard work, and the rest… you make the decision.

 

Remember, if you need money for any legitimate reason – business purchase or expansion, real estate purchase or refinance, or if you’re buying a home, call the guy with the shiny golden dome – me !! themagic number 818.305.4695.

 

Have a better week.

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt? (you might have to think about thisone)!

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

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Les Berman CMC       Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist         Voice: 818.305.4695 Email: les@lesberman.com

 

Les Berman Weekly #476 Sales or Marketing? Flap? Rockfish? 70% Better… and so many more questions…

On occasion, people will interchange the words “sales” and “marketing”. So, to end the confusion, partially, I will refer you to the grocery store ads for this week in the Los Angeles area. The food ads are all about marketing.

 

One of the stores was featuring boneless flap meat. Not being familiar with the term, I decided I better investigate. Now that term, flap meat, seems sort of gross. Flap meat. Would you use that to slap someone? That’s the image it presents. In an article from 2005, it is described as an unflatteringly named cut that comes from the less tender regions of the animal. Since then it has been described in other ways but it is a tough piece of meat that can be flavorful if cooked properly. So why wouldn’t the beef industry give it an attractive name, like sirloin tip. Oh darn.. that’s what it used to be called before the flappers got involved.

 

Moving right along, I notice that rockfish is on sale. That is such a plain name that not even the venerable Wikipedia has an explanation for that one. So other market names in accordance with FDA rules are Pacific red snapper, rock cod, black bass, and Pacific ocean perch. And there are about 70 different kinds of fish that come under that one name. And the article says that it’s not fraud because the FDA approves it.

 

The FDA approves it ?! So the same agency that prevents us from having medicines in common use in other countries; and the same agency that approves genetically modified foods for human consumption, allows multiple names for the same product to confuse the consumer. The industry therefore, is allowed to change the names to “fraudulently” confuse the public and avoid prosecution because a government agency allows it. This is marketing !

 

Then I saw an ad for Boar’s Head Blazing Buffalo Chicken Breast. That is so straightforward. For the uninformed, perhaps that would be a mixture of pig meat, burnt buffalo, and part of a chicken. Do we know better? I’m not sure.

 

I had a product a while back, I believe it was a non-stick food spray, that had a slogan emblazoned on the package – 70% better. No asterisk, no referral to something else on the container. It just said 70% better. I wondered about that and it gave me time to reflect on what it could be better than. I wondered if it was better than butter, or extra virgin olive oil (where do they find the extra virgins please), or if it was better than flap meat or a mixture of pig meat, burned buffalo etc. No conclusion on this guessing game.

 

At the other end of the marketing spectrum, one store was featuring red apples. Other stores featured galas, delicious, Fuji or Granny Smith. I know those brands because the apple (not the phone / computer / tablet apple) people have been promoting those apple types forever. I don’t know – red just is not descriptive enough. But it is better than wormy !

 

And then there is that marketing classic – imitation crab meat. Amazing – they tell the truth and then sell tons of the product. I’ve had the imitation stuff and real crab. The fake doesn’t taste anything like the real one – not even close ! All of this creative marketing is convincing me to become vegetarian. Well… maybe just to eat more vegetables… maybe !

The difference is that sales people sell what the marketing people conjure up !

And then there is the couple in Wyoming who got a permit to build a pond on their property. It provides water for their horses, stocked it with trout, and brought in their ducks and geese. And this was done with a state permit. They complete everything and get a letter from a state agency saying they did everything properly. Yup, then they get a letter from the Feds threatening a fine of $75,000 / day for violating federal law. Hmm.. that seems like a cluster thing. So the latest is that he has federal politicians telling the federal agency to…go away. And they might never be able to eat real fish… by any name.

 

And this is your call to action – financing for small business, real estate loans – residential and private money. Call the magic number 818.305.4695

Have a better week.

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway…

Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

 

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 Les Berman CMC

      Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist

       

Voice: 818.305.4695

Email: les@lesberman.com

 

Les Berman Weekly #475 Real Invitation. Confusing Things. Jeans. Warren Buffett…. and so much more !!!

Here’s a genuine invitation to my readers. On Tuesday, March 18, my improv group will be making its debut at 72 North located in Pasadena at 72 North Fair Oaks. Show starts at 730PM. The bar food is up to you and the beer is cold and wet. Come have a few laughs.

There are some things in life that confuse me. Actually, there are a lot of things that do. And this week my favorite confusing thing is jeans. As they pertain to women, of course.

I do understand why it is necessary to have a few pair of jeans. (I actually know a guy who has over 30 pair. No further comment.). I fully understand that some of them might be of different sizes to allow for those things that women endure… and blame men for them. But I really don’t understand why someone would spend a lot of money, as in more than $100, to buy torn, or frayed, or holed jeans.

I don’t think that they look very good. My mother used to patch jeans when they had holes in them. I think they were iron-on patches, and they were either brown or black. We weren’t allowed to be different by having one of each color. And we weren’t embarrassed either. And consider this.

We know that most of the jeans are made in Asia somewhere. I really don’t care exactly where or who or what. But picture this – concentrate a little. The people at the sewing machines are diligently following a pattern and do their job very well. They deliver a nice pair of jeans in whatever color. They could be sized for guys like me, or could be the skinny jeans that my daughter would wear. And you know all of the variations thereof.

After the jeans are finished in the sewing room, they go to another area where the workers proceed to put holes in them, or shred an area, or fray them. The finished bottoms of the legs are made to look like a pair of jeans would after walking in them if they were too long. Wow – a factory that destroys a garment that was just completed!!

I have never been to a garment factory but I’m using my imagination (that still works!!). So here is another group of workers, diligently pounding the jeans and destroying them, all in the same design. A designer planning the destruction of a garment – ha! The resume of Madame designer says that her expertise is in destroying the integrity of a garment so that it sells for more money. I would not hire her in a minute. But I would laugh. But back to the workers…

Can you hear their conversation?? They are talking about the crazy people who buy clothes that are half destroyed rather than buying whole garments. I could write a screen play about what these people are likely saying. And as you think about it, you are starting to laugh as you imagine what they are saying in their language. Laugh about the silliness of fashion. That’s the best…

Meanwhile, Warren Buffett has taken a 15% salary increase. OK, so he’s one of the wealthiest men in the world. His stock is the most expensive on the NYSE. He’s made a lot of people wealthy, and his companies employ hundreds of thousands of people. So his salary is now $485,606. Is it too low or too high? I’ll swap him the salary for 1% of his assets. I would be happy either way. I guess he’s entitled !

When you need money for your financial home (meaning home or business), call the guy with the shiny golden dome… me ! 818.305.4695

Remember to wear green on Monday – St. Patrick’s Day !!

Have a better week.

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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 Les Berman CMC

      Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist

       

Voice: 818.305.4695

Email: les@lesberman.com

 

Les Berman Weekly #474 Classic. Speed Limit. 9mm Glock. Hackers… and so much more…

Sometimes I’m in a hurry. A classic example happened the other day when I left about 10 minutes late for an appointment. Traffic seemed to be moving ok and then it happened. And we have all experienced this driver. And we have all experienced similar emotions.

This driver was, well, not only was she driving the speed limit (when does this happen??) but she was actually driving five miles per hour under the speed limit ! At first, I thought I should be polite – I know… totally out of character, right ?… and I did keep the proper distance behind the car and, to use the television version, the alleged driver. I looked at my watch and saw that I was falling further behind. I drover closer to the subject car; and then I flashed my headlights, driving closer.

To no avail. I drove closer, virtually tailgating. I was late. And still 25 mph. And getting later. I reached to my side and was ready to pull out my 9 mm Glock. I thought I could fire a warning shot through the back window and the front windshield, hoping she would pull over. I thought this would be a really good move because I was getting really late. And then I remembered that I haven’t taken shooting lessons in a long time, actually since I was 14. And further, as I was making another move, I realized that I had to pursue a different resolution, even if my heart rate was accelerating, for I remembered that I don’t know how to shoot a gun and, even worse, I don’t even own a gun! So much for that fantasy.

But back to Jane Q. Citizen at 25 mph. She maintained her even speed until the road divided into a four lane road. I then accelerated past her, as did the other 5 cars behind me. And then something rude happened, or at least I think it was rude. One of the drivers behind me, probably as he was passing her, blew his horn. Obviously that driver was frustrated, but to blow your horn at someone who was driving the speed limit is rude. I think that driver should have remained angry and taken it out on someone at home. Like the punching bag with the image of your favorite politician on it. Or someone else that you hold in high regard – like a used car salesman, or your favorite divorce attorney !!

I did get to my appointment of course.

With the recent and ongoing incidences of hacking events worldwide, I return to an article in the NY Times from 2012 that dealt with secure passwords. Here are some of the rules: If your word is in the dictionary, that’s the same as not having one. Never use the same password twice. The password should be at least 14 characters long and should have a passphrase to remind you what it is; jam on your keyboard using the Shift and Alt keys, and then copy the password onto your encrypted thumb drive that you keep with you. or have a password manager. Here’s the link to the article. It’s still worth reading !

And if you want to get back at the hacker, sic the torvosaurus gurneyi on him. That would make old science meeting new science, because the old science thing was bigger than the tyrannosaurus rex and was around about 80 million years before T. rex. The t.g. was on what we now call the European continent. I wonder if European ancestors got so angry with the T.g., that they still harbored a grudge when T rex and homo sapiens evolved. Lindsey Lohan wanted her name mentioned again.

While you’re contemplating the dates and time frames, you should have a money thought. And when you have a money thought, you have to think of me. Because I am the gateway to money. For business financing or residential financing, please call the magic number – 818.305.4695.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

Questions, Questions. Questions.

Can you cry under water?

 How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

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 Les Berman CMC

      Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist

       

Voice: 818.305.4695

Email: les@lesberman.com

Les Berman Weekly #473 Routines. Revolutionary. Storm Chasers? Lions and so much more…

I was wondering how my routines started. I know that I can put my pants on one leg at a time because I’ve tried several times over the years to jump into them – and I could never make it work. I guess I could do it if I was to lie on my back and do it that way, but that’s cheating. Think about it – change your routine. See how strange you’ll feel and laugh.

The next routine to change is the way you brush your teeth. Start at the other side of your mouth and don’t give up. Start laughing. What an amazing way to start your day. Changing your routine and laughing. And what else can you do… and because it’s routine, you don’t even think about it. Going for a walk – start with the other foot. When you step off the curb, use the other foot. Use the other hand when you’re holding your water glass, or beer. At your favorite restaurant, you know, the one where you order the same thing every time – order something different.

All of this sounds totally revolutionary. But think about it. You’ve been doing the same thing, the same way for as long as you can remember. And odds are that your kids learned their habits from you. That’s scary ! You cloned someone ! (And they said it couldn’t be done.)

And consider all of the other routines that we ignore. Watch mama duck with ducklings – they all follow diligently, whether it’s in the water, or in single file, crossing the road, holding up traffic. Of course, then everyone with a camera jumps out of their cars to take a photo. How cute ! All those people jumping out of their cars. Routine. The better photo would have been of all those people taking the photo of the ducks.

Recently, I received an email with the obligatory photos attached – of four legged animals. A pride of lions basking in the sun – on an asphalt road with traffic backed up both ways. Interestingly, to me anyway, was that there weren’t any people outside their cars lining up to take photos. I wonder why the habit didn’t take over. Actually, I figured it out quickly. Get the photo and get eaten, but get the photo at any cost? Cowards 🙂

And then there are the storm chasers. What’s that about? How close can I get before I’m sucked up into the tornado? Duh.. I guess that was too close, he says, going in circles. Let a camera get sucked up, stick a homing device on it, and see what happens. You can find it after. Much more logical I think.

While we’re on death wishes vs fun, how about those people who jump off mountains and have winged suits on. They fly down the mountain at immense speed, and then land, if they can, in a serene valley, five minutes later. All of the people on their support team are really excited; the videos are really amazing; the occasional impact and bouncing off the rocks, well, they are never shown. I think they should be shown. That could be really cool. A modern day saga of Humpty Dumpty. Except now, all of the Kings Horses and All of the Kings Men would be ambulances, paramedics, surgical teams, and funeral directors. Now THAT would be an amazing reality show.

And to me, one of the best reality shows just ended. The Olympics. And NBC continues to abuse the American public by delaying events for twelve hours or more. And the public will watch to see the skiers tumble, the ice skaters fall, the bobsleds crash, and the American hockey teams get beaten, again, by the Canadians. But, the hockey games were shown in real time – I guess the public demanded it and got what they asked for. Twice.

Remember that there is a simple beginning step if you need money to expand or purchase a business; or to get a mortgage to refinance or acquire a new home. The magic number is, (musical fanfare please!)  818.305.4695 !!

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s a** anymore.

..If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
.. A tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

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Les Berman Weekly #472 Burning Tool. Jailed ! Most Corrupt…. and so much more..

The other day, I was thinking. And that was a strange and uncomfortable experience. And I know that because so few people actually think about what they do. I actually did learn to think when I was a kid. I was forced to because there weren’t warning labels on everything.

I remember I had this iron etching pen that got really, really hot so we could burn designs in wood. That was really cool. Who knew about stuff like that? And It probably had a short cord, possibly to remind us to turn it off or unplug it. Actually, I think the cord was short enough to reach the curtains. The ‘toy’ probably came with some designs inked in pieces of wood, but I only remember burning anything and everything made with wood. No warnings on that.

And of course, we had chemistry sets. I do remember that it had some recipes, or formulae, of course. One time, I was across the street playing in this kids house. I can’t remember his name. I was merrily playing with the chemistry sets – mine and his – and brewing stuff in test tubes and cooking the mixture over a bunsen burner (no warning labels). The next thing I remember was the kid’s mother running downstairs yelling “is everyone OK” repeatedly. She told me that there was a big explosion… and that it was time for me to go home. No warning labels.

I’m guessing that some of you may have had similar experiences and results. Innocently of course. If that had happened today, we likely would have had every law enforcement agency between Los Angeles and DC coming at the house with weapons out. No ability today for kids to innovate innocently. How sad !

I read recently about someone who had forgotten to return a video… for nine years. Now this woman, not a suspect but the accused, had received a few letters demanding that the movie be returned and she ignored them. So the video rental place went to the local magistrate who issued a warrant for the woman’s arrest. By a coincidental series of events, the woman was reporting a crime at the police station, saw there was a warrant, and unceremoniously, put the woman in jail. In the meantime, the video store had been closed for a few years.

The good news is that the police did not actively go out hunting for the accused. The bad news is that warrants never expire. I don’t know the law but I think the accused should be made to hunt down the former owners of the video stores, bow down before them, ask for forgiveness, and return the video… or pay them for it, with nine years of interest, of course. Then she be made to stand on a pile of wood, and recite the entire dialogue of the movie. I have to think of the proper penalty if she misses one line of dialogue.

Meanwhile, the annual report of the countries with the most corrupt public sectors, has been published, complete with interactive map. And the website is free! The most corrupt countries, tied for 175th spot are Somalia, North Korea, and Afghanistan. The USA is #19, Canada and Australia are tied for 9th position. And Denmark and New Zealand are tied for #1 with the least corruption in the public arena. What this means, simply, is that you will think that several European countries might be dangerous, but they are decidedly less corrupt than the USA.

So while we’re talking about dangerous things, there is now photographic evidence that some species of crocodiles, that denizen of the deep, that distant cousin of the dinosaur, can climb trees. Not even bears are safe anymore !

I’m not a crocodile and not a bear, but I am excellent at sourcing financing for your business or your real estate. By now, you know the magic number by heart… 818.305.4695. I look forward to your call.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

“If I owned Texas and Hell I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.” – Philip Sheridan

 “I like children.  If they’re properly cooked.” – W.C. Fields

 “Democracy encourages the majority to decide things about which the majority is blissfully ignorant.”  – John Simon

 “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work.  I want to achieve it through not dying.”  – Woody Allen

 “If God did not exist it would have been necessary to invent him.”  – Voltaire

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Les Berman Weekly 2-15 Fine Dining. Living Long Loving. The Olden Days. And so much more….

The other day, while dining at that fabulous high end restaurant, yes, Costco’s Food Court, I sat at a table with a delightful lady who insisted that I was a kid. And I was ok with that, of course. But when she offered that her daughter was 73, I was shocked, because this lady certainly did not look 95. And she told me that when her husband came to the table, that I was not to mention that she had been married for 77 years, to the same guy. This gentleman was a spry 97, who moved like a 70 year old. And he still works part time.

 

She told me that his employer thinks he’s only 75 ! When I asked her for the secret of living as long as she has, and in such great shape, she said that she likes to breathe regularly ! And then she says that she married the best guy in the world. After I left, I recalled a conversation I had with a friend several years ago, after my divorce.

 

Steve asked me how many couples I knew that were as much in love with their spouse as they likely were when they got married. I think that I couldn’t get past six or seven. In the ensuing years, I think I might have been able to add two or three more couples. The rest, we decided, were complacent.

 

This isn’t a criticism but an observation. And I truly hope that you are one of those special couples, and that your Valentine’s Day was special. And that the couple who have 77 years together, also had a special day.

 

On the other hand, I was talking to another friend who had made a deal with his wife. They agreed that Valentine’s Day was over rated and that they could have a great dinner a week later. Of course, if you’re in the path of this week’s eastern and southern snow storm, you’re not going anywhere anyway. And I hope you survive the repercussions !

 

I remember, back in the olden days before cell phones, that there was a snow emergency in Winnipeg, and the emergency broadcast system said that telephones were to be used for emergencies only. I had a date that night so I decided I should call to tell her that I would not make it to pick her up. Her father answered the phone. I asked for his daughter, whose name I can’t remember now, and he said “Are you the police?” uh no. “Is this an emergency” uhhh..”get off the phone” and he hung up. I wonder if his daughter got the hint that I wouldn’t make the date.

 

I wonder if that was a turning point in my life? Maybe I should have become a cop so I would never have another dad-enforced broken date !

And here are a few more things that we didn’t know about in 2013. For women, smelling a newborn baby feels as good as drugs to addicts or cheeseburgers to those just breaking a fast. I don’t know if the smell is before or after the poop. Maybe it’s just the smell of the powder. But I like babies – until the diapers are loaded. A 10,000 year old mammoth trunk found in Siberia still had enough stuff that could be extracted to get the species going again. Heart disease patients with a positive attitude are more likely to exercise and live longer. The most positive patients exercised more and had a 42 percent less chance of dying during the follow-up period. I hope that I won’t ever be the exception to the rule! The oldest globe of the world dates from around 1500. It was drawn on ostrich eggs. I think it may not be edible !

 

Wolves howl to bring lost wolves back to the pack and to express the quality of their relationships. Come on – are their wolfpack therapists who figured this out? Give me a break !  Men howl to express their conquests on Saturday night. No therapist required for that knowledge ! Dolphins apparently have a signature sound that identifies them like a name. Scientists don’t know how they get their names. It’s so simple – how do those dweebs miss it ! The dolphin moms simply get the latest waterproof edition of the baby name book. Everyone knows that – now.

 

If you or someone you know needs money for their business or for a residential mortgage, I am still the guy with the magic number 818.305.4695. Memorize it ! Pass it along ! Make it work for you too !

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

“Brevity is the soul of wit.” – Mark Twain.  “Brevity is the soul of lingerie.” – Dorothy Parker

“I didn’t like the play – but then I saw it under adverse conditions — the curtain was up.” – George S. Kaufman

“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.” – Mark Twain.

“Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.”  – Gore Vidal

“Liberty is the right to do whatever the law permits.” – Charles Monteiscu

“If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.” – Rita Mae Brown

 

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 Les Berman CMC

      Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist

       

Voice: 818.305.4695

Email: les@lesberman.com