The View From The Golden Dome

Views on the week's events plus some of mine.

Les Berman Weekly #478 5 year old. Importance of Children. Zebras. Flying Birds…. and much much more.


One of the more interesting articles that I’ve read this week tells about the five (5) year old boy who was playing with his dad’s XBox. The dad, not having allowed the little guy to play with the XBox, was a little surprised, and asked his son how he got into the game console. The 5 year old promptly showed his dad how he hacked into the game console system in about two minutes. Being good people, they told Microsoft, the developer of the Xbox. how a five year old could hack in. And Microsoft fixed the bug, and sent the 5 year old a bunch of games and a one year subscription to something I don’t understand.

 

The moral of the story is simple : if you are having any kind of cell phone, tablet, or computer issue, you can usually get an answer now from a 5 year old, and almost always from a 7 year old. This, friends, is why children and grandchildren are extremely important to those of us who can’t find the ‘on’ switch.

 

Meanwhile, in the science world, researchers have discovered why zebras have stripes. I know you have wondered if zebras are black with white stripes, or white with black stripes. I am sure that you asked your parents and grandparents, your teachers, and anyone else over the age of twelve for the answer to that question. People have experimented with painting horses in stripes to see if the offspring would be born with stripes, but I think that was more likely to have happened in Appalachia, or some other states south of the Mason-Dixon line. These people were definitely not schooled in the science of animal husbandry. And while we’re on that topic, why is it called animal husbandry? Did the people who came up with that term, know something that we don’t want to know.

 

Anyway, the paint experiments didn’t work. But what the researchers did find, is that the stripes confused the biting insects, like tabanid biting flies and tsetse flies, that are so common, and vicious, on the plains of Africa. The bugs are confused by the stripes, and leave the zebra alone. Some striped antelope are also relieved of the bug plague too. Of course, the zebra spokesman, in giving the results of the study to the herds of his pals, also said that if the researchers had really wanted to help, they would have come up with something that also would confuse lions.

 

And scientists have recently discovered why larger birds fly in a V formation, and why smaller birds fly in swarms. They fly in swarms to confuse predators who have to focus on a target for accuracy. If you watch dolphin or whale shows on tv, they show how small fish do the same thing. Of course, then comes a whale with an open mouth and there goes that fish swarm.

The V formation is used because it conserves energy. The wings each create some kind of upwash, or draft, and the following birds have less resistance. Also, because birds can’t spell very well, they avoided the bar in A and E formations.

 

The Census Bureau reported that in 2012, 22 million people worked for federal, state, and local governments. So now you know where your tax money is going – you’re paying the salaries of all of those people, some of whom actually work hard, others do hard work, and the rest… you make the decision.

 

Remember, if you need money for any legitimate reason – business purchase or expansion, real estate purchase or refinance, or if you’re buying a home, call the guy with the shiny golden dome – me !! themagic number 818.305.4695.

 

Have a better week.

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt? (you might have to think about thisone)!

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

 

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 Les Berman CMC
      Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist
       
Voice: 818.305.4695

 

June 18, 2014 Posted by | business, fun, general interest, humor, real estate, sports, stuff, Uncategorized, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Les Berman Weekly #474 Classic. Speed Limit. 9mm Glock. Hackers… and so much more…


Sometimes I’m in a hurry. A classic example happened the other day when I left about 10 minutes late for an appointment. Traffic seemed to be moving ok and then it happened. And we have all experienced this driver. And we have all experienced similar emotions.

This driver was, well, not only was she driving the speed limit (when does this happen??) but she was actually driving five miles per hour under the speed limit ! At first, I thought I should be polite – I know… totally out of character, right ?… and I did keep the proper distance behind the car and, to use the television version, the alleged driver. I looked at my watch and saw that I was falling further behind. I drover closer to the subject car; and then I flashed my headlights, driving closer.

To no avail. I drove closer, virtually tailgating. I was late. And still 25 mph. And getting later. I reached to my side and was ready to pull out my 9 mm Glock. I thought I could fire a warning shot through the back window and the front windshield, hoping she would pull over. I thought this would be a really good move because I was getting really late. And then I remembered that I haven’t taken shooting lessons in a long time, actually since I was 14. And further, as I was making another move, I realized that I had to pursue a different resolution, even if my heart rate was accelerating, for I remembered that I don’t know how to shoot a gun and, even worse, I don’t even own a gun! So much for that fantasy.

But back to Jane Q. Citizen at 25 mph. She maintained her even speed until the road divided into a four lane road. I then accelerated past her, as did the other 5 cars behind me. And then something rude happened, or at least I think it was rude. One of the drivers behind me, probably as he was passing her, blew his horn. Obviously that driver was frustrated, but to blow your horn at someone who was driving the speed limit is rude. I think that driver should have remained angry and taken it out on someone at home. Like the punching bag with the image of your favorite politician on it. Or someone else that you hold in high regard – like a used car salesman, or your favorite divorce attorney !!

I did get to my appointment of course.

With the recent and ongoing incidences of hacking events worldwide, I return to an article in the NY Times from 2012 that dealt with secure passwords. Here are some of the rules: If your word is in the dictionary, that’s the same as not having one. Never use the same password twice. The password should be at least 14 characters long and should have a passphrase to remind you what it is; jam on your keyboard using the Shift and Alt keys, and then copy the password onto your encrypted thumb drive that you keep with you. or have a password manager. Here’s the link to the article. It’s still worth reading !

And if you want to get back at the hacker, sic the torvosaurus gurneyi on him. That would make old science meeting new science, because the old science thing was bigger than the tyrannosaurus rex and was around about 80 million years before T. rex. The t.g. was on what we now call the European continent. I wonder if European ancestors got so angry with the T.g., that they still harbored a grudge when T rex and homo sapiens evolved. Lindsey Lohan wanted her name mentioned again.

While you’re contemplating the dates and time frames, you should have a money thought. And when you have a money thought, you have to think of me. Because I am the gateway to money. For business financing or residential financing, please call the magic number – 818.305.4695.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

Questions, Questions. Questions.

Can you cry under water?

 How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

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 Les Berman CMC
      Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist
       
Voice: 818.305.4695
Email: les@lesberman.com

May 2, 2014 Posted by | business, fun, general interest, humor, medicine, real estate, sports, stuff, Uncategorized, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Les Berman Weekly #473 Routines. Revolutionary. Storm Chasers? Lions and so much more…


I was wondering how my routines started. I know that I can put my pants on one leg at a time because I’ve tried several times over the years to jump into them – and I could never make it work. I guess I could do it if I was to lie on my back and do it that way, but that’s cheating. Think about it – change your routine. See how strange you’ll feel and laugh.

The next routine to change is the way you brush your teeth. Start at the other side of your mouth and don’t give up. Start laughing. What an amazing way to start your day. Changing your routine and laughing. And what else can you do… and because it’s routine, you don’t even think about it. Going for a walk – start with the other foot. When you step off the curb, use the other foot. Use the other hand when you’re holding your water glass, or beer. At your favorite restaurant, you know, the one where you order the same thing every time – order something different.

All of this sounds totally revolutionary. But think about it. You’ve been doing the same thing, the same way for as long as you can remember. And odds are that your kids learned their habits from you. That’s scary ! You cloned someone ! (And they said it couldn’t be done.)

And consider all of the other routines that we ignore. Watch mama duck with ducklings – they all follow diligently, whether it’s in the water, or in single file, crossing the road, holding up traffic. Of course, then everyone with a camera jumps out of their cars to take a photo. How cute ! All those people jumping out of their cars. Routine. The better photo would have been of all those people taking the photo of the ducks.

Recently, I received an email with the obligatory photos attached – of four legged animals. A pride of lions basking in the sun – on an asphalt road with traffic backed up both ways. Interestingly, to me anyway, was that there weren’t any people outside their cars lining up to take photos. I wonder why the habit didn’t take over. Actually, I figured it out quickly. Get the photo and get eaten, but get the photo at any cost? Cowards 🙂

And then there are the storm chasers. What’s that about? How close can I get before I’m sucked up into the tornado? Duh.. I guess that was too close, he says, going in circles. Let a camera get sucked up, stick a homing device on it, and see what happens. You can find it after. Much more logical I think.

While we’re on death wishes vs fun, how about those people who jump off mountains and have winged suits on. They fly down the mountain at immense speed, and then land, if they can, in a serene valley, five minutes later. All of the people on their support team are really excited; the videos are really amazing; the occasional impact and bouncing off the rocks, well, they are never shown. I think they should be shown. That could be really cool. A modern day saga of Humpty Dumpty. Except now, all of the Kings Horses and All of the Kings Men would be ambulances, paramedics, surgical teams, and funeral directors. Now THAT would be an amazing reality show.

And to me, one of the best reality shows just ended. The Olympics. And NBC continues to abuse the American public by delaying events for twelve hours or more. And the public will watch to see the skiers tumble, the ice skaters fall, the bobsleds crash, and the American hockey teams get beaten, again, by the Canadians. But, the hockey games were shown in real time – I guess the public demanded it and got what they asked for. Twice.

Remember that there is a simple beginning step if you need money to expand or purchase a business; or to get a mortgage to refinance or acquire a new home. The magic number is, (musical fanfare please!)  818.305.4695 !!

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s a** anymore.

..If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while
.. A tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

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 Les Berman CMC
      Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist
       
Voice: 818.305.4695
Email: les@lesberman.com

April 26, 2014 Posted by | business, fun, general interest, humor, real estate, small business, sports, stuff, Uncategorized, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Les Berman Weekly #472 Burning Tool. Jailed ! Most Corrupt…. and so much more..


The other day, I was thinking. And that was a strange and uncomfortable experience. And I know that because so few people actually think about what they do. I actually did learn to think when I was a kid. I was forced to because there weren’t warning labels on everything.

I remember I had this iron etching pen that got really, really hot so we could burn designs in wood. That was really cool. Who knew about stuff like that? And It probably had a short cord, possibly to remind us to turn it off or unplug it. Actually, I think the cord was short enough to reach the curtains. The ‘toy’ probably came with some designs inked in pieces of wood, but I only remember burning anything and everything made with wood. No warnings on that.

And of course, we had chemistry sets. I do remember that it had some recipes, or formulae, of course. One time, I was across the street playing in this kids house. I can’t remember his name. I was merrily playing with the chemistry sets – mine and his – and brewing stuff in test tubes and cooking the mixture over a bunsen burner (no warning labels). The next thing I remember was the kid’s mother running downstairs yelling “is everyone OK” repeatedly. She told me that there was a big explosion… and that it was time for me to go home. No warning labels.

I’m guessing that some of you may have had similar experiences and results. Innocently of course. If that had happened today, we likely would have had every law enforcement agency between Los Angeles and DC coming at the house with weapons out. No ability today for kids to innovate innocently. How sad !

I read recently about someone who had forgotten to return a video… for nine years. Now this woman, not a suspect but the accused, had received a few letters demanding that the movie be returned and she ignored them. So the video rental place went to the local magistrate who issued a warrant for the woman’s arrest. By a coincidental series of events, the woman was reporting a crime at the police station, saw there was a warrant, and unceremoniously, put the woman in jail. In the meantime, the video store had been closed for a few years.

The good news is that the police did not actively go out hunting for the accused. The bad news is that warrants never expire. I don’t know the law but I think the accused should be made to hunt down the former owners of the video stores, bow down before them, ask for forgiveness, and return the video… or pay them for it, with nine years of interest, of course. Then she be made to stand on a pile of wood, and recite the entire dialogue of the movie. I have to think of the proper penalty if she misses one line of dialogue.

Meanwhile, the annual report of the countries with the most corrupt public sectors, has been published, complete with interactive map. And the website is free! The most corrupt countries, tied for 175th spot are Somalia, North Korea, and Afghanistan. The USA is #19, Canada and Australia are tied for 9th position. And Denmark and New Zealand are tied for #1 with the least corruption in the public arena. What this means, simply, is that you will think that several European countries might be dangerous, but they are decidedly less corrupt than the USA.

So while we’re talking about dangerous things, there is now photographic evidence that some species of crocodiles, that denizen of the deep, that distant cousin of the dinosaur, can climb trees. Not even bears are safe anymore !

I’m not a crocodile and not a bear, but I am excellent at sourcing financing for your business or your real estate. By now, you know the magic number by heart… 818.305.4695. I look forward to your call.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

“If I owned Texas and Hell I would rent out Texas and live in Hell.” – Philip Sheridan

 “I like children.  If they’re properly cooked.” – W.C. Fields

 “Democracy encourages the majority to decide things about which the majority is blissfully ignorant.”  – John Simon

 “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work.  I want to achieve it through not dying.”  – Woody Allen

 “If God did not exist it would have been necessary to invent him.”  – Voltaire

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 Les Berman CMC
      Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist
       
Voice: 818.305.4695
Email: les@lesberman.com

 

April 24, 2014 Posted by | business, fun, general interest, humor, medicine, small business, stuff, Uncategorized, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Les Berman Weekly 2-1 Phil. Stupor. Mistakes – Big Ones. Waxy Ears…. and so much more….


Here we are at the beginning of February 2014. I keep wondering how I got here, and how my kids got to be so old. I haven’t aged a bit – but they sure have !!

 

And it being the beginning of February, we also have the celebration, or not, of the Groundhog, good ole’ Punxsutawney Phil. Now personally, I don’t really care if Phil wakes up for the party and sees his shadow or not. But it might be a lot more entertaining than spending six hours in a comatose state, watching the Stupor Bowl and every bit of analysis, right down to, and including, the minute by minute temperature gauge.

 

Of course, for the last 21 years, the best part of the 2/2 celebration has been the TV repeats of the Bill Murray, Andie McDowell movie – Groundhog Day. I don’t know how women feel about the movie, but for most guys, it’s about achieving the perfection that is needed to make that great connection with the great woman. I know that all of us realize how many hundreds, thousands , or tens of thousands of mistakes we made when trying to achieve. And of course, as time goes on, our memories dwell on that ideal person, who is still the same age in our minds, as she was back when we made all those grievous errors.

 

And then the married guys reflect on the magnitude of a mistake, or supposed mistake, that their spouse blew so far out of  proportion, that it made the Civil War civil in comparison. Of course, the person who committed the grievous crime, knows that their spouse or significant other did not understand the intent of their gesture and did not admit, when it was explained, how minor the transgression was. It did create a minor increase in the economy because you paid for more flowers, counseling, a new diamond ring, and a new car. You did realize that was far less expensive than what you really wanted – a divorce !

 

I remember some of my better errors throughout history, and some that I heard that others perpetrated. One of mine was forgetting the name of my date. That was sort of embarrassing but I got bailed out when someone called her by name. And I think that was on New Year’s Eve. Or a guy who forgot he had a date. The girl decided that she liked the guy enough that she went to his house and rang the bell. He had no idea he had a date scheduled but went out anyway. They got married a few years later.

 

And then there was the time that I said something that I shouldn’t have. Took me a while to cure that one. Or the time when I wasn’t driving yet, and a girl asked if my prior night’s date had been cold. Now women speak a different language. I interpreted the word one way, and she, of course, meant it literally. So my answer, needless to say, was wrong!

I wonder if we of the male species, get into as much trouble by saying yes. Have to think about that.

 

And back to the things we didn’t know about a year ago. Yes, many of them we really don’t care about but you will read them anyway! Commonly used words on Facebook indicate gender, age, and some personality traits. Women will use “excited” a lot whereas guys tend to take the easy way and just swear. The moon is about 100 million years younger than previously thought. Uhh – I don’t care ! And there are species of a mouse in Costa Rica that just sing to protect their territories. I guess if one of them were to win American Idol….

 

Some monkeys lower their voices to keep others from hearing what they are saying. Did they learn that from people or vice versa? Four new species of legless lizards were found near LAX around the oil derricks. Think of all the questions that would arise from that discovery – like, are you sure it isn’t a snake? The Earth will be habitable for another 1.75 billion years (+/-) but I think life forms might be a little different after some idiot unleashes the big nuke. The waxy buildup inside the ears of dead whales are an indication of how much pollution they have been exposed to. HA ! From the same buildup in my ears, my mother could tell me how long it had been since I washed, and she was probably right !

 

And finally, for today, a reminder that if you need money for your business, business real estate, or any other real estate, the magic number is 818.305.4695 !

Have a better week!

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

Save the earth….. It’s the only planet with chocolate!*

 

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 Les Berman CMC
      Business and Real Estate Loan Specialist
       
Voice: 818.305.4695
Email: les@lesberman.com

 

February 24, 2014 Posted by | business, fun, general interest, humor, medicine, real estate, sports, stuff, Uncategorized, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Les Berman Weekly 1-25 Scandalous. Sugar. Asteroids and Elephants… and So Much More !!


It’s absolutely scandalous. My vision, or perhaps hallucination, has been destroyed. I just learned that legions of Girl Scouts do not, and have not made, the legendary Girl Scout cookies since pre-historic days. They are, in fact, made by Little Brownie Bakers, a subsidiary of… ready.. Keebler and by ABC Bakers, a George Weston company.

 

And for all these years, I had these crazy visions of Girls Scouts (GS) , in a long line, cutting, and shaping, and forming all of those varieties of cookies. I thought that Lucy and Ethel got that job on the chocolate candy conveyor because they wanted to emulate the Girl Scouts. Now, I have to change my head process and envision a bunch of elves running around and doing that job. So disappointed. And I’ll bet someone will tell me that Santa Claus isn’t real either. Or that they found the Titanic at the bottom of the ocean. Or that TinkerBell never forgave Peter ! What else can burst my bubble this week?

 

So let me tell you a few things about Girl Scouts. They do not make cookies. Nothing else matters. The cookies are now free of trans fats, and therefore, don’t taste as good as they did previously. And the GS can decide which bakery they want to use because, the bakeries may make different cookies. And each bakery can give different names to the cookies. I actually found a list of about 40 different types of cookies that have been discontinued.

 

Now there’s something wrong about that. Removing sugar highs from kids? That un-American. It’s heresy. It’s not fair! It’s poor sportsmanship. But really, Thin Mints make up 25% of the total sales, followed by 19% from Caramel deLites (from ABC)/Somoas (from LBB) – so the name for the same cookie depends on the bakery. And the number of cookies per box, which has not only dropped over the years to save money, varies based on where you are in the country! The dark underbelly of the industry… How will each of the GS learn to look after their husbands and treat them the way our grandmothers treated our grandfathers, if they don’t actually bake the cookies. I’m sorry that I had to reveal this truth to you! Buy GS cookies anyway please!

 

I was looking at other things we didn’t know a year ago. How about this one. 2013TV135 is the name of an asteroid that will hit us on April 13, 2036 according to some Ukrainian astronomers. NASA scientists disagree. In 22 years, I’ll be a lot older than I am today, and I probably won’t remember that I wrote this, so please put this in your computer calendar and call me to tell me who was right.

 

Other scientists have determined that all mammals urinate for the same length of time – 22 seconds. They named this the “law of ……” If you are going to time yourself, I don’t want to know.

 

And fossil evidence showed that our friendly Neanderthals used toothpicks. We are not told the name of the brand that they chose.

African elephants are able to understand hand gestures, even if not trained to do so. I wonder how many of them did not understand the gesture for ‘stop’! And what happened to those trainers?

 

And other scientists have decided that birds locate food in the morning but don’t eat it until later in the day. So what’s the deal with the early bird and the worm?

 

Kissing is the ultimate test for a relationship. Well, it’s actually a taste test. I guess non-smokers must have a slight advantage in this contest. The study also said that more kissing increased the quality of the relationship but did not necessarily indicate an increase of the kind of activity that would cause this edition to be blocked as spam !

 

My son-in-law grew up in Brighton and his soccer team is in to round 4 of the English FA Cup. I hope his team wins Saturday !! Go Brighton & Hove Albion Seagulls !!

 

You all saw my announcement a couple of days ago. Business loans are highest on my agenda now. Real estate loans still get done. Ask me how I can help you – anywhere in the country. The magic number remains the same – 818.305.4695.

Have a better week !

 

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
The second mouse gets the cheese.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

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 Les Berman CMC
       SBA and Real Estate Loan Specialist
       
Voice: 818.305.4695
Email: les@lesberman.com

February 17, 2014 Posted by | business, fun, general interest, humor, real estate, sports, stuff, Uncategorized, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Les Berman Weekly 11-30 Turkey Day Calories. Black Friday- Really? Saber Tooth. Loud Commercials… and so much more…


So you ate about 4500 calories worth on Thursday, but you may only have gained one pound. And then you went shopping after turkey dinner, and on Friday, and in so doing, lost three pounds because you were so aggravated that you had to walk from the far end of the parking lot, and lost two pounds working your way through the crowds. So far so good. And at the end of the shopping mania, you found that you had spent far more money than you intended, but you ‘saved’ so much more.

 

I do know that my daughter was excited about shopping today. To me, the most amazing thing about that is that her husband was going with her. The shopping gene hit him somehow. And that’s really noteworthy because he devours all sports. And I never knew that a sports fan could have the shopping gene too. But, I know she was doing well because when I texted her one word – “Winning?”, her response was ‘Yup”.

I did my own Black Friday shopping today. I bought some detergent. And saved almost $3.00. I contributed to the statistic. ! Did you?

 

Yesterday, I was listening to satellite radio and they were talking about a race among three people going from Manhattan (the real one in NY) to Washington DC by car, train or plane. My first thought was ‘why would anyone want to go to DC?’ and then I realized that the politicians are likely out on holiday so it might be ok. Now, I don’t know who won the race, and it really is irrelevant. The real news story would have been here on the west coast – car, plane or train from Los Angeles to Las Vegas.

 

And then I remembered that there is no train from LA to Vegas, and there may never be. So my thoughts changed to Los Angeles to San Diego. That would have been much more fun, even with sigalerts.

 

Do you remember that last December, all television broadcast media was supposed to reduce the sound volume of commercials to the same sound level as the TV shows? When I was house bound while recovering from my knee surgery, I found that many commercials blasted louder. Maybe they do that to wake up the viewer who has fallen into a catatonic state of bliss while watching daytime TV.

 

I know this kid was not interested in our foibles of the day. Around 24,000 years ago, this toddler was playing, but we don’t know what he was playing. Maybe it was chase the saber-tooth tiger, or don’t step in the mammoth stuff. The burial of an Upper Palaeolithic Siberian boy was discovered along with numerous artifacts in the 1920s by Russian archaeologists near the village of Mal’ta, along the Belaya river. But it was recently that they were able to extract DNA that showed this kid had genomes found today in western Eurasians and some that are unique to Native Americans. One of the interesting discoveries was that this little boy did not share any DNA with any east Asians. The scientists offered hypotheses as to eventual mixing of genomes with East Asians, but those hypotheses might just be marginally better than the one I might give as to the outcome of next June’s Stanley Cup winner.

 

So while you’re contemplating that, I will remind you that I am available for your real estate financing needs – mortgages for your purchase or refinance of your home or commercial property. The magic number is, of course, 818.305.4695

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

More “South” stuff…

“Cut on the air conditioning” means, “Please turn on the air conditioning.”

Women carry “pocket books” not purses.

“That will cost 4 dollars and 12 cent.”  Not 12 “cents.”

“I’m bar-be-quing this weekend.” Oh, so you are cooking a pig?  Anything else is “grilling”.

 

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 Les Berman CMC
        Real Estate Loan Specialist
       
NMLS ID 227675
Voice: 818.305.4695
Email: les@lesberman.com

December 16, 2013 Posted by | business, fun, general interest, humor, real estate, sports, stuff, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Les Berman Weekly 11-23 Cold. Storm Windows. Outdoor Hockey. Super Dino. Wine Cellars in History… and much much more..


So, I was trying to figure out why we, here in southern California, think that 60 degree weather is cold. I grew up in a climate where the weather would go down to minus 40 degrees and we dealt with it. You dressed for it, and you knew that it would warm up in a day or a week, and we just waited for it to happen. And we never complained… unless it stayed that cold for more than a week. And it did sometimes.

 

Allow me to describe some of our preparations for the season, and I’m going to guess that many of you will have huge question marks about terminology. But that’s ok – you can google everything. In no particular order, because, I can’t remember, we took down all of the screens covering the windows, and replaced them with glass windows. That would create an insulation barrier that would help to keep the house warm. That was in addition to the dual pane windows we had.  I think my dad called them ‘storm windows and doors’. After all, we took the screen doors off and replaced those too.

The curtains were heavy material and that formed another layer of insulation.

 

Then, my dad would make sure that the tank was full of heating oil, the furnace would be serviced and tuned up. I don’t remember being cold, in the house. The cars would have the antifreeze refreshed and the snow tires installed.  And every car had a block heater that had to be plugged in – so the engine would start. The block heater would keep the engine warm so that the oil wouldn’t freeze solid. There would be an electric plug sticking out of the front of the car, and we had lots of fun telling summer visitors that the cars were actually electric: the cars were cheap but those long extension cords cost a small fortune !

And we brought the winter clothes and boots out of the basement storage area, and swapped them out with the summer stuff. And then we waited for the snow to come and for the winds to blow.

 

Of course, when the snow came, it really did. We played hockey on outdoor rinks. And that was life in Winnipeg. And we walked to school most of the time, both ways, in the snow,

 

Now, it gets down to 50 here in Los Angeles, and I reach for the warmer coats and hats. Either my blood has thinned, or I’ve become a wuss. Those who know me best, vote for the latter ! But really, we know it’s cold in LA when the water coming out of the tap is actually cold !

 

Apparently, it hasn’t always been like this. Some 98 million years ago, the climate was pretty conducive to providing sustenance to everything that populated the land. National Geographic described a dinosaur that as a toddler, weighed some four tons and was as long as a school bus. It predated T. Rex and was much larger. They know all this because someone found a few toes and some other bones, and decided that this was a missing link between the dinos that came before and those that came after. How do these people do that? I understand when a complete skeleton is found (check the La Brea Tar Pits in Los Angeles), but how do you reach conclusions from fragments of a four ton toddler?.

 

Meanwhile, in more recent history, archaeologists were working some ruins in Israel and came across the wine room. While the wines were long gone, the residues were there. And through analysis of the residues, it was found that the wines all had the same ingredients – there were actual recipes 3700 years ago. These included honey, mint, cinnamon bark, juniper berries and resins used as a preservative. The recipe was similar to medicinal wines used for 2,000 years in ancient Egypt and probably tasted something like retsina or other resinous Greek wines today.

 

What is interesting to me is that the excavation team found two other doors leading to new rooms. And they can’t open those rooms until the next excavation season – in 2015. What’s up with 2014? I want to know what’s behind the door on the …. right ! or do I want the one on the left? What should I do? what to do? Audience. Help me ….

 

And if you are looking for real estate financing, for your residential or commercial property, call me today ! And if you know any veterans or foreign nationals, please have them call me. The magic number is 818.305.4695.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

More southern stuff:

Going to “The” Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin’ or off to Wally World.

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good beef stew or chili weather.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don’t need no dang Driver’s Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!

I’m having my “picture made” means “I’m having my picture taken

 

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 Les Berman CMC
        Real Estate Loan Specialist   
       
NMLS ID 227675 BRE #00924913 
 
 
Voice: 818.305.4695
 
Email: les@lesberman.com

December 10, 2013 Posted by | business, fun, general interest, humor, medicine, real estate, sports, stuff, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Les Berman Weekly 11-2 Flushed. Cool Underwear.Mean Woman. Chips Are Up… and so much more..


So the BTA is having a meeting in the next couple of weeks to discuss flushes and water usage. Yes, the Europeans have decided that they are using too much water per flush, and some members are proposing compressed air to assist the disposal. The British Toilet Association is considering new guidelines for disposing of your stuff so as to reduce water consumption. That’s not the humorous item… a toilet association? couldn’t you come up with a different name? Do any of these resonate? The Water Closet Association. CAB – Commode Association of Britain; CRAB – Crapper Association of Britain; PTCIA – Pull the Chain Improvement Association. And of course, the BBC – the British Bureau of Crappers.  I really need a 6 year old to help with the porcelain goddess humor. Do you have someone you can volunteer?

 

Mean – while, a woman in Fargo had planned to hand out candies and letters to kids on Halloween. The letters were telling fat kids that candies weren’t good for them and being overweight was not a healthy lifestyle. Talk about bullying!! When I was a little kid, I would only have received her letters… the bitch ! But we would have done our thing to her house – door bell ringing and then taking off, or if we wanted to be really bad, we would have teepee’d her house. And what’s remarkable is that she publicized her action before the big night. Whattabitch !!

 

But there is good news out there for those of us who cannot find enough junk to eat. Lay’s is announcing that they are coming out with a chocolate covered potato chip. Personally, I think the combination is a little gross, but only because I haven’t tasted one yet. And I will sample them at some point. I just can’t see it,,, sitting in front of the tv with beer and chocochips. I have to guess that they tested the product in several markets with several people. They forgot to ask me… again.

 

In other very important news, a new line of underwear is about to be marketed for both men and women. I would guess that, because women shop more often than do men, the product will be given to men much more frequently. Now, I must admit that I had thought that this type of product should have been invented a long time ago. I know people who should line up for this as soon as it hits the store. A company is coming out with a line of underwear that absorbs passed air, flatulence, aka gas. Any other four letter word would not get past the spam filters 🙂 The product has been developed by a British company. Women can buy Shreddies in briefs, high-leg briefs or shorties, while men can purchase support boxers, adjustable support boxers, hipsters and briefs. I’m sorry but I don’t know when it will hit the store shelves nor do I know what shorties are.. But it will be a very popular gag gift with serious meaning.

 

I used to think school field trips were pretty cool. A group of private school students from the Los Angeles area was on a field trip in Utah’s Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument, an area well known for its fossils. When I was a kid in Winnipeg, I had found a few fossils of spiral snails and other small things. The Legislative Building in Winnipeg is built with limestone blocks. I remember walking around the building and finding the fossils embedded in the limestone. That was absolutely exciting, and would still be today if I went back there.

 

So this kid happens to look under a rock outcropping and sees something that looks like a bone. He went around the other side, picks up  a rock, and finds a skull. It turns out that the kid discovered the smallest, youngest and most complete duck-billed dinosaur of its kind ever found. It took a couple of years to get the permits, and then 1300 hours to chip away the stone from the dinosaur bones. The dino is now on display at the Alf Museum in Claremont, CA. I hope the kid has a statue right next to dino. Or at least a photo and recognition. What a field trip that was ! Lucky guy – so jealous 😉

 

I remember taking my son out to the Santa Monica Mountains a couple of times to do some fossil hunting. I don’t think we found any but as I recall, the Thrifty store had ice cream. A fitting discovery on a hot day I think.

And when you are thinking real estate loans, call me first especially if you are a veteran or a foreign national. The magic number is 818.305.4695.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH….

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

“Backwards and forwards” means I know everything about you.

The word “jeet” is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’

You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.

You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

“Ya’ll” is singular; “All ya’ll” is plural.

 

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 Les Berman CMC
        Real Estate Loan Specialist
       
NMLS ID 227675
Voice: 818.305.4695
Email: les@lesberman.com

November 19, 2013 Posted by | business, fun, general interest, humor, medicine, stuff, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Les Berman Weekly 10-12 Recall? Spider Webs. Exercise ? Blame Game. Golden Dome… and much more


So, the children in Washington still don’t know how to play together. I said before that their mommy’s need to come out and give those kiddies a good whuppin’ . And then they should be sent to their rooms, stripped of all electronics of course. I don’t write about politics because there really is no point. My only comment is that those who drafted the Constitution  made a grievous mistake by not providing for the recall of those elected to Federal office. I suspect that if a constitutional amendment was to be put forth today, that it would get approved in all 50 states in record time. But no federal politician would want to risk upsetting their own electoral annuity. Lily Tomlin said ” No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up !”

 

However, there are far more interesting things being revealed in today’s world. Being a person who is hair impaired, I have suffered the unbounded joy of doing the dumb dance when I unsuspectingly walk through a spider web. It’s not a major issue but I have learned some new dance moves as a result. But the big question has remained unanswered until now ! Why don’t spiders stick to their own webs. This arachnological mystery was solved by the Smithsonian Tropical Research Institute and the University of Costa Rica. Spiders have oily, hairy legs, and delicate movements that allow them to move across their webs. I’m sure we all know people with oily, hairy legs, or at very least, hairy legs, but those we know are devoid of delicate movements. Ergo, people cannot avoid being entangled in the webs… of any kind !

 

Meanwhile, scientists are now claiming that exercise may be as effective as drugs in treating coronary heart disease and stroke. I can tell you that I have enjoyed the benefits of regular exercise in improving my health and preparing for and recuperating from my surgery. And I never believed the doctors who told me to get off my ass, and do something. Interestingly, only about one-third of adults meet the recommended level of physical activity in the US and in the UK.

 

Having been incarcerated for the last three weeks while recovering from my knee replacement surgery, and having been dumb enough to watch too much TV, I can tell you unequivocally, that the pharmaceutical companies spend tens of millions of dollars, promoting their current drug concoctions. It felt like every other ad was for this pill or that one, or for incontinence remedies or help, or for some other possible psychosomatic need. Now I understand that some people do get sick… but these ads would convince people that they are sick, or nearly sick, or that they should be sick. Maybe, instead of watching that next talk show, or reality show, you and your significant other should get off the couch and walk around the block.

 

Now, I’m not saying that you have to talk to each other. That might be going too far ! And there is nothing in the medical research that addresses that issue. Hmmm… maybe I can get a few million bucks from one of the pharmas to study the correlation between conversation with your longtime spouse and the increased murder rate in that same demographic !

 

Therapists could assign the blame to the parents of the client and to some previously inconsequential event in their childhood that had to do with a shoe that had a scuff mark on it; psychologists would determine that the act of murder has roots in prehistoric times and the use of an animal bone as a weapon; and psychiatrists would prescribe drugs from the pharmas that funded the study.

But maybe exercise will help you. It has helped me, and if it could help me, it definitely is worth your consideration !!

If you’re looking for money, for real estate or for corporate situations, call the magic number 818.305.4695 and speak to the man with the golden dome !

Have a better week !

Les

 

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

You do not need a parachute to skydive; you only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

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 Les Berman CMC
    Money Specialist   
       
NMLS ID 227675
 
Voice: 818.305.4695

October 27, 2013 Posted by | business, general interest, humor, medicine, real estate, stuff, Uncategorized, whimsy | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment