Les Berman Weekly 2-15 Banana Joe. Frontal Attack. Smart Jocks. Olympic Solidarity?

Banana Joe is not banana flavored coffee from the South Pacific. Rather, he is a well pedigreed being that is now worth millions, I think. What a life! He gets a blue ribbon and immediately, his fees increase dramatically. Banana Joe was the winner of the 137th Westminster Dog Show. He is an affenpinscher, and is celebrated everywhere. His real name is Banana Joe V Tani Kazari ,A couple of days ago, his team of owners and trainers actually rang the opening bell at the NYSE.  I have to say this… has the NYSE gone to the dogs?

 

Think about this… briefly. For 137+ years, a group of dog owners have gotten together in different venues to wash, fluff, brush, comb and prance around with their puppies. I will admit that some of the dogs look pretty cool. And then there are the poodles who really do look like they were the welcoming committee at a European bordello – poofie hairdo, impeccable manners, and funny looking handlers. If you have ever watched the show, it’s amazing how many handlers actually resemble their dogs. That’s scary.

 

The handlers escort their wards around the ring on a light leash, sometimes at a walk and sometimes at a run. Then the judge runs his/her hands over the dog, likely checking the muscle mix, and then they grab the dog’s package for some reason. And without gloves. Many dogs. Something strange about that to me.

Picture this in your failing mind. A cat show. Cats on a leash. Cats being led around a ring. Nah.. Can’t possibly happen, but it is a really funny visual.

 

Speaking about dawgs,  I am a big fan of the hot ones. I’ve never experienced the infamous Coney Island species but I am a big fan of the Costco ones. And I think you know  that I like to watch people. And watching people eat a hot dog is interesting, and sometimes, really funny. There are different types.

 

There is the full frontal attack eater. After slapping ketchup, mustard, relish and onions on the dawg, the frontal attack eater seems to admire his creation, and then pulls the concoction towards his mouth, end first, opening the mouth, and chomping down with a look of total bliss.

 

Then there is the smiler. This person loads the bun and slowly chows down from the top and middle. Sort of like wearing a smile. Or playing a harmonica. And I think these guys may win the vote for being the messiest eaters.

 

Of course, then there is the naked eater. Just hot dog. No dressing, no artificial flavors, no disguised taste. The naked eater savors the purity of the beef, the tube steak, the snapper. He takes the hot dog firmly in hand, examines that which he is about to kill, and then, with great savoir faire, nibbles oh so gently at the ends that are protruding from the bun. The remainder is, of course, just a blur.

 

Then there is the mom. The mom has at least one toddler with her, you know, the one that wants food now! Not later ! and makes sure that the mom knows it. So the mom, dutifully, unwraps the hot dog, chops it into bite sized pieces, blows on each individual piece, and allows the toddler to attack with her hands. The mom feeder and eater are the most fun to watch. Many times, the mom eater does exercises while the toddler gorges herself. Watch next time.. watch the mom’s eyes roll around in her head. Several times !

You don’t really have to be a devotee of Costco to be able to identify the various types of dog attackers. They are everywhere. Look for them at an eatery near you.

 

And then there is the hot dog that isn’t. I applaud this guy. Nick Florence, 24, was a starting quarterback at Baylor University and according to the article, he had great numbers and NFL potential.  He had a discussion with his wife, and decided to get his MBA rather than get beaten up by the thugs in the front lines of the NFL. Probably gave up a few million, but so what?!  I knew a kid like that once. He was the goal keeper for the Canadian National Hockey team back in the late 60’s. When Wayne Stephenson was drafted into the NHL to play for Philadelphia, he made sure that he would be able to finish his MBA, and he did. There are other examples of this – like Ken Dryden – who played for the Montreal Canadiens- and became a very successful lawyer. So there are anomalies in every industry, I guess.

 

And in other news in the sports world, those pillars of the Olympic club have decided to eliminate the oldest of all sports – wrestling – from the summer Olympics. But, in a show of solidarity in the old boys club, they decided that they should keep the modern pentathalon. It’s not really important here to discuss the merits of that group of sports, but it is important to say that the son of the late Olympic dictator (oops, did I say that?), Juan Antonio Samaranch, was on the side of the pentathalon. Case closed. Bang the gavel! Wrestling – you’re outta here!!!

 

So, do you need a loan on your portfolio of 100+ single family homes? Or on the acquisition of that apartment building that needs rehab? Call me today 818.305.4695. Or are you ready to buy a new home and need to be pre-approved? Call me818.305.4695. What about the refi you’ve been thinking about? As one person said to me – I’m waiting for the rates to get back above 4% so I can kick myself for not listening to you when they were in the low 3’s. I hope that won’t be you.!

Have a better week!

 

Les

 

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

This is the final set of The Washington Post’s  winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words..
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

 

 

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Time Warp. Einstein. and the Timeliest Information

Time Warp. Einstein.  Recently, there was a story in the Smithsonian Magazine (no I’m not that erudite) that caught my interest and brought to mind other similar instances. This story was about a family of Russians who had survived in the harsh climate for more than forty years, without having had contact with any other humans. The story began in 1936 when Karp Lykov’s brother was shot and killed by Communists during one of the frequent government purges. Lykov grabbed his family and some seeds, and disappeared into the woods. His children were born, lived and died without seeing other humans, and they  survived on what they could sow or hunt. They were discovered in 1976 by surveyors of a mining company, and through them, the story was told of survival. They had no idea that World War 2 had happened, knew nothing of the Cold War, and were astounded to learn that man had been to the moon.

 

I remember reading, when I was a kid, of Japanese soldiers who were still fighting on behalf of the Japanese Imperial Army when they were found in 1974, still hiding out in the Philippines. He had not known that WW2 had ended although he had seen some flyers over the years. He had dismissed those as propaganda. He had had three other soldiers with him: one surrendered in 1946 and the other two were killed in skirmishes with Filipino soldiers in 1952 and 1974. He was found by a hippie Japanese student who told him what had happened, but Onoda, the soldier, would not surrender. When the student went back to Japan, he told the military that Onoda would only take orders from his senior officer. The military found his commanding officer, then a book seller, took him to the Philippines and gave Onoda the orders to stand down. And there was another Japanese soldier who was found later in 1974. It’s all about survival.

 

I’m sure there are other stories about people who live in isolation, either by choice or because of the fear attached to the choice. I’m sure that some kinds of sociological studies were done on the Japanese soldiers, but the article on the Russians was not very clear on that.

 

We have cases now where people hole up in the mountains or in some isolated settlements for some group of reasons – whether it would be fear and loathing of government, religion, fear or just because. I don’t understand the mentality behind the reasoning, but I do understand how the “anti’ feeling could develop. It just takes a charismatic leader and followers who are totally gullible. Hitler and the Nazis could be an example and I guess that Jonestown is a fairly recent example  of a similar but different fear.

 

Albert Einstein is quoted ” Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, but I’m not sure about the former.”  I have to agree with his wisdom, although I must say, that some of the surveyor space probes sent out 30 or 40 years ago, are still sending back information as they continue their journey to wherever. Someday, Capt. Kirk and Spock will actually make the light year journeys into space, and actually prove that Einstein was right on both counts. And we just smile, and say that there is no way that there is other intelligent life forms in the universe.

My question is whether those other life forms will even consider us to be intelligent ?

 

And another great Einstein quote is ” Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” I’ve read that fish have memories that last a second, or fractions thereof. That’s why the fish in your tank are always enthralled by the little castle that they see every few minutes. And that little castle never moves.

How about your castle? What have you done recently to ensure that it continues to protect you? Have you had a professional look at your mortgage situation to show you how you might  get some tax free disposable income? This professional is available to look at your purchase transaction AND your refinance situation to make sure that you have the best product for your situation. Call me – I work weekends !! 818.305.4695

Or if you have bigger castles, one of my investors will provide bridge loans anywhere in the USA. They issued a Letter of Intent for an buyer with buildings located in California and on the east coast – and they did that in about 72 hours. Some clients have asked me to present multi-family projects in Arizona, Kansas, and a commercial property in Ohio. All of these projects are within the scope of this investor. Call 818.305.4695 or email me and ask about your castle.

Have a better week !

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week

More  fromThe Washington Post  and the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

 

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Les Berman Weekly 1- 26 Horsepower. Cars. Carbon Paper. Copier Problems.

I was thinking about cars the other day, and remembering one of my dad’s sedans, a Chrysler, in the early ’60’s. It had a lot of horsepower – lots of big horses – and cruised really nicely, and fast. Of course, there was the time that the Highway Patrol chased me for 36 miles before catching me. It was all about horses. Yikes, my son reads this and I never told either of my kids this story. Oh well..

The concept of horsepower is very interesting. I think it evolved into some formula that an engineer invented. But think about it. I was in Eastern Europe a few years ago, on a voyage of discovery of my family roots. And I saw what horsepower was really about. There was an order to things. Here, the order started with the basic Yugo (I did see a couple of those) and progressed to Maybachs and more. In Romania, things were even more basic. And this is the way it was.

The entry level vehicle was a horse drawn cart that had solid wooden wheels. I can’t imagine the bone jarring ride that resulted. Next was the horse, cart with wooden spoke wheels, followed by horse cart, wooden spoke wheels with scrap rubber on the wooden wheels. Understand that these carts were used for commerce – hauling everything from trash to animal waste to anything else you could imagine. So the next level up was horse, cart, rubber tires followed by, you guessed it, two horses, cart, rubber tires but the cart was bigger than the one horse cart. We have now evolved into a two horsepower vehicle. I was really amazed to see this in the 21st century – probably as amazed as people became in the 1920’s, 30’s and 40’s in North America as the horseless carriage became dominant.

So horsepower, at the beginning of the 1900’s, truly was reflective, I think, of a comparison with what horses could actually do. You can go into some banks today and see a team of horses pulling a stagecoach. That was four or six horsepower. Change.

 

So to finish the speeding story, the officer told me to come to his car. He asked me how fast I was going and I said about 75 mph. His response was something like “come on son ! Look at the steam coming from your engine !” That’s pretty funny now but not quite so much in 1963. So when I told my parents, my mother was, of course, furious. My dad, pulled me aside later, and asked how fast I was really going. So I told him the whole story, including the steaming engine. And then told him I got it up to 110 mph. My Dad looked at me, grinned, and said “How did it ride?” For the record, my fine in traffic court, was $25 !.  I seem to recall that the Chrysler had about 305+ horsepower. No team of horses could get to the speed that I reached.

I don’t drive nearly that fast anymore, even on the freeways.

And back then, there weren’t any copiers. I remember seeing my first Xerox machine. It was a single sheet feed and pretty big. I seem to recall that it could have been a Model 660.  But it was a marvel. Before that, there were dozens of women, sitting in rows with typewriters, typing multiple copies of documents, using carbon paper. (google it if you don’t know what those were)!  And corrections had to be made on all of the copies. I remember going to an insurance company and seeing the typing pool. A full floor of typists – with manual typewriters. I’m sure you can see a sample of this memory in some old movies.

And today we have high speed copiers that do everything from copy, to scan and sort and email and everything else. Eventually, your lease ends and you return your copier for a newer, faster, more efficient model. And your old copier is bought by a company that re-leases or re-sells them. CBS was curious and bought a few machines. What they found was shocking!

These new copiers that scan, copy and email all use hard drives. When you turn in the old copier, you’re handing over around 20,000 pages of your records – still on your hard drive. CBS printed off the hard drives and found police records, medical records, and a whole lot of private information. And this was on every copier they bought.

This was enlightening. Scary. Take a few minutes and watch this video – and then take action to protect your corporate and private information. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCKr5WgVVN8   . Don’t think about it. Click on it now. It’s safe.

And no, we don’t have it so bad here. I was just reading that in South Africa last week, that there was so much rain that a river flooded and broke through some fences surrounding a farm. Apparently 15,000 of the farm animals escaped. So now there are a lot of hungry crocodiles in the neighborhood. So, just because it looks like a rock, you might not want to step on it.

The bond markets threw some rocks Friday and rates did not like the rocks. This could be the shock that you needed to get your home purchase moving. You need to be pre-approved and I can definitely work with you on that. Give me a call today 818.305.4695 or send me an email and we can look after things. And if you’ve been sitting on the fence about your refinancing, I think it’s time to get moving. Don’t let the ship sail without you. Here is the magic number… 818.305.4695.

Have a better week.

Les

Berman’s Factoids of the Week:

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. Here are some of them.

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

 

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Les Berman CMC Real Estate Loan Specialist         NMLS ID 227675 Voice: 818.305.4695 Email: les@lesberman.com